Boundaries. We hear a lot about them but knowing how to set them for ourselves and stick to them is difficult.
I have come to a realization that I do not have set-in-stone rules or boundaries for myself.
I go into situations/friendships/relationships full speed ahead, with open heart, mind, and arms. And while being open isn’t a bad thing, not having a guideline for myself tends to lead me into the dangerous territory of losing myself. It is only when I start to feel anxious and uncomfortable do I realize I have stepped too far into something I don’t want to be in. It is hard to backtrack from that. It’s like I go into situations blindly expecting to stumble across my boundaries. That’s like taking a hike at night with no flashlight and hoping I don’t fall off a cliff and that someone will catch me. It is not up to someone else to determine what my boundaries are and I cannot expect them to follow what I haven’t made clear for myself.
I can’t continue living life haphazardly like this, just hoping it will somehow work itself out. I need boundaries for myself. Clear, concise boundaries that I stick to. Therefore I have compiled the following list.
My Ten Commandments
- No one deserves to know you. You are a queen. They must prove themselves worthy to see beyond the crown. To see the you behind the curtains.
- Thou shalt not entertain anyone that is not fully divorced and fully moved on. Even if he is going to therapy. You are not anyone’s distraction from their pain and healing. You do not compete with other women.
- Thou shalt not sleep with anyone until at least 3 full dates. The first three dates must be in public and not at his house, or your house. No “movie night” at his place.
- You don’t owe anyone sex.
- No overnight stay unless there is a clear definition of the relationship. Cuddling leads to feelings. Feelings should be cultivated, mutual, and grow over time.
- Your place is your sanctuary. No men allowed unless they are deemed worthy.
- Thou shalt say something or remove yourself the minute something makes you uncomfortable. It’s not your job to make anyone comfortable at your own expense.
- Thou shalt know your worth and believe that you are worthy and deserving of love, time and affection.
- Thou shalt not compromise or lower your standards because he seems nice. You are not in a relationship and do not need to “compromise to make it work.” These are your core values anyway, the right person won’t want you to compromise them.
- If he wanted to he would.
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